This article concludes my 3-part series on our shadow/false self.

In Part 2 of this article, we examined the roots of your false/shadow self and how it came into being.

In this final article, we’ll look at the good news: ways to cooperate with the Lord in healing your shadow/false self.

We’ll look at

• how your TRUE self develops
• how to ensure its survival

But before we do that, there’s one key point that I feel I need to repeat, which is that…

It’s absolutely essential that you understand how important the HEALING of your shadow/false self actually is!

You see, your transformation (i. e. your healing) into God's own image is God’s ABSOLUTELY EXPLICIT intention for you.

It’s His UNAPOLOGETIC PURPOSE for YOU!

You see, God wants YOU to bear the family likeness of His Son, Jesus.

He wants YOU to be a SISTER OF JESUS!

And He wants JESUS to be YOUR BROTHER!

Listen to the Apostle Paul:

God, in his foreknowledge, chose them to bear the family likeness of his Son, that he (Jesus) might be the eldest of a family of many brothers.

Romans 8: 29 J. B. Phillips New Testament

Or, in the NIV translation:

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that he (Jesus) might be the firstborn among manybrothers and sisters.

Romans 8: 29 NIV

 (My emphasis)

There’s no getting around it: the central message of the Gospel, and therefore your and my chief responsibility, and privilege, as a follower of Jesus, is to HEAL our false self and develop and nurture our TRUE self.

Want to listen to Paul one more time?

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.

Colossians 3: 10 New Living Translation

(My emphasis)

When you downplay or neglect the healing of your false self, you lose out on…

• a fruitful friendship and relationship with God
• a fruitful prayer life
• a rich and rewarding life on this earth
• all the fulfilling personal relationships that the Lord intends for you

Do You Wish COUNTERFEIT Stuff

Or the REAL thing!

Your childhood need for control, security, and approval IS NOT the problem.

You see, the fact is that God INTENDS you to enjoy

• security
• control
• approval/esteem

But God wants you to have the REAL thing, not a counterfeit version of it.

Yes, the infantile ‘programs’ you put in place as a vulnerable child to meet your needs and guarantee your ‘happiness’ served you as a child.  But as an adult, they amount to no more than mere COUNTERFEIT versions of what the Lord intends for you.

The Lord offers you and me a different version.

He offers to meet your 3 essential human needs in a way that is AUTHENTIC, LIFE-GIVING, and SPIRITUALLY LIBERATING for you personally.

He meets your needs in a way that allows you to experience firsthand what it means to BE LOVED and TO LOVE!

His way rescues you from the bondage to your false/shadow self.

His way develops and nurtures your TRUE self!

The Lord, you see, knows that the compulsive, robotic  gratification of your primary human needs will always backfire on you, and, in the process, cause you and several others significant personal suffering.

You may be certain that this never was His plan for your life.

Listen to the Apostle Paul again:

God, in his foreknowledge, chose them to bear the family likeness of his Son, that he might be the eldest of a family of many brothers.

Romans 8: 29 J. B. Phillips New Testament

(My emphasis)

What You Need to Pay Attention to

So the question is: how do you cooperate with the Lord in healing your false/shadow self?

You cooperate with the Lord in healing your shadow/false self by learning how to let go of your infantile mechanisms for ‘happiness’.

Notice:

You don’t FIGHT them.

You learn to ‘LET GO’ of them with the Lord’s 24/7 ready help.

This ‘letting go’ is an ongoing process.

It is not accomplished overnight.

It is not a one-off event.

It takes place over a lifetime.

As you learn to let go, there are some things you need to pay special attention to.

For example:

I highly recommend that you…

• become increasingly aware of how you treat yourself and others outside of your times of prayer

• notice when you experience upsetting emotions outside of your times of prayer

• learn to be aware of HOW YOU HANDLE your frustrations and negative emotions outside your times of prayer

• learn to be aware of HOW YOU DEAL with tough or painful life events outside your times of prayer 

• notice and RESIST the temptation to project on to someone else the reason for your frustrations and negative emotions!

• take full responsibility for your frustrations and negative emotions!

• learn to LET GO of any need or temptation to gratify your need for control, security, approval at any cost!

3 Healing Ways to Pray

I recommend 3 especially powerful ways to pray that

• heal your false self
• nurture your TRUE self
• ensure your true self’s survival and flourishing

 

1. Learn to pray with and from your HEART (see section below titled: The Unparalleled Gospel Gift from Jesus Himself: Learning How to Pray with Your HEART).

This is the most effective and rewarding way to HEAL your false/shadow self, without question!

2. A brief ‘review’-prayer at bedtime or whenever is convenient. 

This prayer helps you review your day VERY BRIEFLY in the presence of the Lord.

I strongly suggest you imagine the Lord sitting next to you as you do this.

And I want you to see the Lord exuding His LOVE for YOU, not His judgment!

If something comes to mind that you might need the Lord’s forgiveness for, simply ask Him.

PLEASE NOTE:

The Lord NEVER EVER withholds His forgiveness from you. 

Then ask the Lord’s help to overcome any future temptations and/or ‘falling short’ of the mark.

Remember:

The Lord knows better than you do that ‘apart from me you can do nothing at all’:

For just as the branch cannot bear any fruit unless it shares the life of the vine, so you can produce nothing unless you go on growing in me… For the plain fact is that apart from me you can do nothing at all….But if you live your life in me, and my words live in your hearts, you can ask for whatever you like and it will come true for you.

John 15: 1 – 8 J. B. Phillips New Testament

(My emphasis)

It bears repeating:

The Lord knows better than you do that ‘apart from me you can do nothing at all’.

Use this brief review of your day to help you notice…

• how many times during the day you felt the Lord’s close presence
• when you felt a ‘distance’ arise between you and the Lord
• how many times you became upset
• how often you experienced inner peace and joy

 

Note:

To ‘anchor’ your daily review and to make it even more fruitful for you, try to commit to spending 5 - 10 minutes in the Lord’s presence for the next day or few days. To show you how to do  this, grab my FREE GUIDE  titled:

How to Regain, and Maintain,

God’s Lasting Inner Peace and Joy:

A Guaranteed Way to Experience God’s Presence, Love and Rest One-On-One

In addition, read the section below titled: The Unparalleled Gift from Jesus Himself: Learning How to Pray with Your HEART.

3. Learn the VERY SHORT 5 – 7 syllable ‘Breath prayer’ . This prayer provides special support in rough times.

You see, here’s the thing:

The more you cooperate with the Lord in these 3 special ways I’ve outlined, the more the Holy Spirit supports and guides you.

And the more you receive the Spirit’s support and guidance, the more you’ll TRUST the Lord.

And the more you trust the Lord, the more you’ll be able to SURRENDER your frustrations and negative emotions to His loving care!

I want to assure you that once you start to cooperate with the Lord, you CAN’T lose.

But your healing is not accomplished overnight.

It takes time.

Your shadow/false self has taken root over many years; so it takes time to heal it.

This is why you must learn to be patient and understanding with your shadow/false self.

Everything that's genuinely valuable in life takes time.

That said, HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

Your healing starts from the very first nanosecond that you make a conscious decision to surrender your false/shadow self and its problems to the Lord!

Remember: your decision to surrender is never a one-off thing.

You’ll need to reaffirm your decision to surrender several times, until you reach the point when it becomes automatic.

Then you'll find that your life becomes much easier all round.

It’s Important to Be Aware of the Role the Enemy Plays in Your Struggle with Your False Self

Satan NEVER sends you a telegram ahead of time to alert you to his nefarious goals!

Your Enemy, Satan, will delight in taking aim at you both in your life’s fragile and turbulent times, and when your life is going smoothly!

So you need to be aware that Satan is going to GO TO ANY LENGTH to frustrate and upset you.

He always takes aim at your weakest, most fragile and vulnerable point.

1. Satan’s aim is ALWAYS to take your hope and your courage from you. 

2. Satan aim is ALWAYS to sow confusion, doubt, and anxiety into your heart and mind.

3. Satan will then use your feelings of confusion, loss of control, helplessness, and fear or panic to erect a BARRIER between you and the Lord.

But Jesus Has Already GIVEN YOU THE UPPER HAND against Satan! 

The good news is that the Lord has already provided you with a powerful arsenal of weapons to defeat Satan’s dark purposes (see Ephesians 6: 10 -18).

Each weapon is essential in defeating your Enemy. 

But ONE weapon is particularly powerful i .e. your PRAYER, viz: 

Pray at all times in the Spirit 

Ephesians 6:18 New English Translation

In the section that follows, I explain a simple yet supremely powerful way to pray: praying with and from heart. 

If you pray in this way for 5 – 10 minutes each day, you’ll discover that this rewarding way of prayer covers all your bases.

It’s the way of prayer taught by Jesus himself (see Matthew 6:6).

Note 

Many Christians still don’t fully understand Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 6:6. 

As a result, they cheat themselves of its UNPARALELLED HEALING POWER! 

Among its countless other benefits, this way of prayer defeats the devil at his games. 

It bears repeating:

This way of prayer ALWAYS gets results. 

Learning to Pray with Your HEART!

Your Unique Blessing from Jesus Himself

Dealing with the suffering that your false/shadow self inflicts on you and others can be a significantly painful experience.

But Jesus himself has given you a very special gift to HEAL —gradually, yes, but very CERTAINLY —the pain caused by your shadow/false self.

It’s the way He himself taught you to pray.

This way of praying allows the LORD to find YOU right smack in the midst of your suffering.

And it allows YOU to find the LORD right smack in the midst of your suffering!!

In this way of praying, you pray not with the usual words and thoughts but with your HEART. 

Praying with your heart is a way of having the Lord accompany you through ANY life experience, good or bad, that you might be facing.

This includes the painful times caused by your false self. 

It’s a way to connect far more directly and far more fully with the Lord than you might in other forms of prayer.

It’s a way that effectively guarantees the healing of your shadow/false self and the development and nurturing of your TRUE self.

When you invite the Lord into your pain experience, some extremely powerful things automatically happen:

You give the Lord the green light to...

• accompany you
• guide you
• steer you through the battle with your false self and the suffering it causes you and others
• ensure the victorious resolution of each and every challenge that faces you 

I can’t stress this enough...

Learning to pray with your heart is critical to your wellbeing —wherever you might be on your journey with God and whatever tough situation you might be facing!

It’s critical because…

• Jesus himself taught you and me this way (Matthew 6: 5 – 8)

• It’s guaranteed to place you in the Lord’s PRESENCE far more directly and intimately and completely than do other forms of prayer 

• prayer of the heart enables you to experience the Lord’s healing LOVE for YOU more consistently and at a far deeper level in your being than you might do in other forms of prayer 

• prayer of the heart enables you to soak in the Lord’s healing REST (PEACE) at a very deep level

• These 3 gifts of praying with your HEART —God’s presence, love and rest (peace) —contain the power and energy necessary to accomplish the healing of your false/shadow self

How God Uses Praying with Your Heart to DISMANTLE and HEAL Your False/Shadow Self

I trust that by now you’re very well aware that you cannot heal your false/shadow self in your own human strength.

Your human will alone is simply not strong enough to do this.

Only God has the power needed for your healing.

He heals your shadow self by slowly dismantling your infantile programs for happiness.

When you spend 5 – 10 minutes each day SILENTLY in the Lord’s presence, you give God the green light to begin to dismantle your childhood programs.

Note
If you wish, you can gradually increase this time to a maximum of 20 minutes, but no more than 20 minutes.

You might be wondering… 

“Why is silence necessary to accomplish the work of healing?” 

Silence is necessary because your human mind is always thinking about something. 

We human beings are always thinking about or reflecting on 

• a memory
• an experience
• a conversation
• an impression
• a situation
• a relationship etc. etc.

On and on we go!

And you can be sure that a variety of emotions —both positive and negative —accompanies our thoughts. 

If your false self is having a particularly dominant day, these emotions can become preoccupations!

Your Problem

Here’s the thing: 

When your mind is weighed down with non-stop thinking and preoccupations, it’s far more difficult to have a close and trusting relationship with God. 

Prayer itself can become unappetizing. 

Your Solution

Your solution must be to have a daily practice of silence in which you deliberately practice LETTING GO of your thinking and which allows you to insert a short BREAK into your over-thinking and into the mental and emotional pressure that comes with it. 

SILENCE in the Lord’s PRESENCE is the SOLUTION, the ANTIDOTE, to this stress.

You see, the Lord speaks loudest in silence!

Or, as Thomas Keating once put it:

“Silence is God’s ONLY language, and everything else is a poor translation.”

Once you enter the Lord’s presence, you are able to experience His LOVE for YOU, for it’s impossible to be in the Lord’s presence without also experiencing His love!

For it’s completely true what John the disciple said:

‘God IS love.’

And you experience His love firsthand, directly and without filters —not just ‘hear about’ it second hand.

And please note:

You experience the Lord’s LOVE for YOU —for YOU —not for someone else!

You see, it’s His presence and LOVE that bring the rest and healing that your stressed mind and spirit —and, yes, your physical body —needs!

Note 

Of course, ALL forms of prayer are completely neceassry, desirable and valid.

And ALL ways of prayer are healing.

But praying with your HEART, especially when you do it regularly, has powerful, therapeutic healing benefits that are unique.

It will soon become apparent to you why Jesus taught us to pray in this way.

Solid Benefits

The benefits of praying with your heart are manifold.

And like good wine, they get better with age!

1. This way of connecting every single aspect of who you are (your HEART) to the Lord increases exponentially your TRUST in the Lord.

2. In turn, this increased trust gives you the confidence you need to…

• start an ongoing, lifelong CONVERSATION with the Lord
• present your anxieties and problems and concern to the Lord without holding anything back
• ask Him ANY questions that you need an answer for
• KNOW AND EXPECT THAT HE WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS

3. Praying with your HEART restores —and MAINTAINS —your inner peace, joy, and faith.

4. Praying with your HEART enables you to take back control of your life. 

5. Praying with your HEART enables you to restore BALANCE to your life. 

6. Praying with your HEART DEFEATS Satan‘s attacks against you as well as any future plans he might have to dislodge your peace and joy or otherwise harm you. 

7. Praying with your HEART allows THE LORD to

• connect to the place deep inside you where your TRUE self lives with Him

• surround you with His unique brand of healing, protective LOVE —no  matter where you are in your walk with God or what the state of your current relationship with Him is

• penetrate right smack through the spiritual, mental, and emotional baggage you’re carrying, often without your being aware of this, and start to heal it

• dismantle and heal your shadow self

• bring your TRUE self into permanent control

I really want YOU to know this way of prayer just like I do.

I really want you to practice it just like I do.

I want you to discover its priceless, never-ending benefits.

You’ll never regret it.

Your TRUE Self

Your TRUE self is the part of you that participates freely and fully in God’s own life and love, and in His purposes for the world and for all His creation.

Your TRUE self comes into operation as you start on the path to healing and to the ongoing transformation of your false/shadow self.

Your TRUE self brings into being a far more fruitful and powerful vitality for your personal life and Christian witness.

How to Pray with Your HEART

You can easily discover the 2 simple steps to praying with your heart by grabbing MY FREE GUIDE . It’s titled:

How to Regain, and Maintain, God’s Lasting Inner Peace and Joy:

A Guaranteed Way to Experience God’s Presence, Love and Rest One-On-One

In order to understand how prayer of the heart why this way of praying is so POWERFUL and so HEALING, you must first understand clearly what Jesus means by the word ‘heart’. 

NOTE

You might manage OK without praying regularly in this way for a few minutes each day when your life is going smoothly.

But when frustrations, negative emotions, and crises hit, it will be just a matter of time before you stumble.

The Lord does NOT want that to happen.

He wants you to have a way to ESCAPE from your pain and your crises!

Are you now beginning to see why this way of praying is so necessary for you?

Are you beginning to see now why it’s high time to discover how to pray with your heart?

And why it’s high time to experience FIRSTHAND FOR YOURSELF God’s healing LOVE? 

And why you should never underestimate the power of this way of prayer? 

As you continue with this prayer for a few minutes each day, you’ll gradually discover its unique power. And when you miss out on practicing it, you’ll soon realize that something important in your life is missing. 

Such is its simple power! 

A Personal Encouragement

41 years ago, in the midst of a devastating personal crisis, the Lord answered my plea for help by sending me a holy woman who introduced me to this way of prayer.

It was the daily practice of this prayer that rescued and totally healed me. And 12 years later, it did exactly the same when my family and I experienced an even worse and much longer-lasting time of profound crisis.

The first was as a young woman of 35 and the second at the age of 48.

Both were sprung on me completely out of the blue. 

Both threw me for a loop.

It was this simple way of praying that enabled me not only to survive but to thrive —right smack in the midst of both distressing traumas! 

You can read my story here . 

Living with Your Shadow/False Self Day by Day with Jesus:

4 Things to Remember

1.  Your Innocent Childhood Defenses work AGAINST Your Own Personal Wellbeing and Journey with God

Your innocent childhood defenses work AGAINST your own personal wellbeing and journey with God.

This causes you stress.

Your stress is further intensified if you are struggling with some other kind of personal trauma in your life or with particular personal relationships.

With increasing demands being made on your energies, compassion, and time by family, work colleagues, and neighbours, life can quickly become ‘impossible’.

Your frustration and helplessness unleashes negative emotions.

In an effort to regain the upper hand, you are tempted to deal with matters in the usual robotic way that has worked for you before.

You are tempted to sidestep God, and forego the need to ask for His perspective and His guidance.

You open yourself up to the subtle traps and pitfalls of Satan, your ever-present, ever- determined opponent. (See section above titled, Be Aware of the Role the Enemy Plays in Your Struggle with Your False Self)

Your general frustration and suffering is now exponentially increased.

2.  Lord, Help Me See My Relationships and Life Events as You See Them

Ask the Lord to show you how your relationships can be healed.

Ask Him to let you see them as HE sees them.

 

3.   Ask the Lord to Show You the Top Priorities HE Wants for You

On the days when you are feeling confused and don’t know what you should focus on, ask the Lord to show you your top priorities.

Then abandon yourself to His care. 

As you learn to surrender to Him, He WILL make clear to you what HE wants for you!

4.  And Remember The Special Way of Praying with Your HEART:

It Restores BALANCE to Your Life!

Remember:

It’s the triple combination of …

1.   the Lord’s direct PRESENCE —without the filters of words and thoughts

2.   your FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE of the Lord’s LOVE —without the filters of words and thoughts

3.   your FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE of the Lord’s REST/PEACE —without the filters of words and thoughts

…that restores BALANCE to your life.

So give yourself God’s gift of His presence, love, and rest/peace right now. It’s His gift to YOU —not to someone else.

I assure you: you’ll never regret it 

And you’ll want to tell any friends who might be in need of help about its healing power!

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Note:

A Personal Acknowledgement

41 years ago, the Lord rescued and healed me from a traumatic personal crisis with His exquisite gift of prayer of the heart or contemplative prayer. I have practiced this prayer for the same 41 years. And for over a quarter of a century I have taught it to Christian women from a wide variety of Christian denominations —with predictably life-transforming results.

It’s the way of prayer that Jesus himself taught in Matthew 6:6.

But I’d like to honour 2 additional sources that, beginning also 41 years ago, continue to this day to deepen profoundly my understanding and appreciation of the special gift of prayer of the heart/contemplative prayer.

These same 2 sources continue to deepen also my understanding of

•     our false/shadow self 

•     the developing and nurturing of our true self

•     a way to better understand God, myself, and others and heal my negative compulsive, ‘automatic’ behaviours

As the Lord would have it, both sources announced their arrival into my life 41 years ago, completely unexpectedly, and at a time of acute personal spiritual crisis.

1.    Thomas Keating

Contemplative Prayer

The first source was Thomas Keating. Keating was one of 5 Benedictine monks in the mid-late 1970’s who brought back to the world the far fuller riches and a more accurate, clearer understanding of Jesus’ teaching on prayer in Matthew 6:6 i. e. the way of contemplative prayer.

For the last 300 years of our Christianity, this teaching had been inadequately understood and poorly taught, with predictably regrettable results.

Keating himself used the term centering prayer to describe his teaching on Matthew 6:6. Centering prayer is also known as prayer of the heart and contemplative prayer.

41 years ago also, God ‘happened’ to give me the great privilege of having Thomas Keating’s personal representative for Contemplative Outreach in Canada as one of my 2 spiritual guides for 12 months during a one-year intensive retreat.

These 12 months also happened to coincide with the most transforming year of my spiritual life as a young woman of 35.

Our False/Shadow Self and Our True Self

Also 41 years ago, as I continued to reap the unparalleled benefits of praying with my heart every day over a period of about 15 months, and as I sat for 12 months of retreat at the feet of Keating’s Canadian rep, my spiritual guide, I realized that the Lord had begun the healing of a significant part of what I would later be able to identify as my false/shadow self.

The Lord used Keating to bless me both with His gift of contemplative prayer and with the gift of befriending and understanding at a profound level your and my false/shadow self.

2.   The Enneagram System of human personality and the co-author of its first book, Patrick O’Leary

The second source that continues to significantly reinforce my appreciation for God’s gift of prayer of the heart and deepen my understanding of our false/shadow self is the Enneagram system of human personality.
I first learned it also 41 years ago. This system provides a remarkable, straightforward way of helping us to better understand ourselves, to heal our false selves, to nurture our true selves, and to chart a path for our ongoing, healing and transformation into God’s own image.

Patrick O’Leary was a co-author of the very first book to be published on the Enneagram theory.

Also 41 years ago: Just months after O’Leary had published his book, God arranged things so that Patrick O’Leary, himself and in person (!), was my very first teacher of the Enneagram.

4 years later, in 1987, God made it clear to me that He wanted me to teach the Enneagram to Christian women from any Christian denomination who wanted or needed the Lord’s healing help for their various challenging life situations. I did this for 26 years, empowering these women to experience more fully an intimate and ongoing encounter with their Lord.

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Disclaimer

No content on this website is intended, or should ever be used, as a substitute for professional medical and/or other health advice from your physician and/or other qualified health professionals or clinicians. 

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Read Part 1 of this article here

Read Part 2 of this article here

 

Want more help?

Have a look at one or two of these articles:

How to Take Care of Yourself If You Are an Overworked Woman

The ‘Breath’ Prayer:: A Prayer to Use When You’re Overwhelmed or Confused

How to Anchor Your Inner Peace before You Go to Bed   

Is it Time to Change Your Understanding of 'Repentance’?

How to Honour Your Human Fragility: Don’t Build a Defensive Wall around It!

Does the Lord Want You to Experience Him in a Fresh Way?

The Two ‘You’s that Make Up the One ‘You’

Questions Christian Women Want to Know but Are Afraid to Ask

(This article explains how the Enneagram helps you come to terms with and heal your false self)

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Have you listened to my webinar? 

And to Sonia’s interview with me? 

Want the Lord to dismantle and heal your shadow/false self?

Then it’s time to give yourself God’s gift of His HEALING presence, love and rest. Begin this minute!  Get my FREE Guide … 

 

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