In Part 1 of this article, you learned that you inherited your shadow/false self from early childhood, around the age of 3 – 5 years.

And I pointed out that this means that you mustn’t blame yourself for its existence!

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at your false/shadow self in order to understand its source and roots and the powerful negative energy and emotions that spring from it.

Understanding the Source and Roots of Your False Self and its Negative Emotions

In order to survive our threatening outer world as vulnerable small children, you and I (typically between the ages of 5 and 8) developed specific defenses to guarantee our burning need for

• security
• control
• affection/esteem/approval

 In time, these defenses became ‘programmed’ into our very being.

And whenever we needed to guarantee our ‘happiness’, they automatically came to our rescue.

Added to these defensive ‘programs’ were the…

• values of our parents, wider family, and friends
• cultural influences operating in the society around us

(For those who might have grown up, or are currently growing up, in the world of social media, these cultural influences will have been further exaggerated.)

If, in addition, we experienced rejection and/or any kind of abuse (psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual), our defensive ‘programs’ might well have become that much more deeply entrenched, and that much more resistant to change!

As we progressed on through childhood, these programs formed a strong protective shell around us.

It’s this protective shell that provides the basic (negative) ENERGY for our false/shadow self.

This is how your shadow/false self became the person you knew yourself to be!

This is how it became the self with which you habitually identified.

Here’s what you need to understand:

When, as an adult Christian, your ‘baked in’ personal identity, your false self, experiences a threat of any kind (e. g. a difficult relationship or a tough life situation), it reacts with huge frustration.

Then, powerful negative emotions AUTOMATICALLY kick in.

The (Disastrous) Results of Incorrect Sunday School/Catechesis Instruction

When looking at the roots of our false self, we must also take into account the religious teaching to which we might have quite likely been exposed as a young child.

If, for example, you’ve been taught from early childhood —either by adults at home or at Sunday School/catechism class, or both —to ‘FEAR God’, your defense mechanisms will be even more entrenched and powerful.

Now, you are doubly disadvantaged.

Why?

Because, clearly, you can’t TRUST a person who frightens you!

And unless you can trust a person, you won’t be able to experience inner peace and joy when you’re in the presence of that person, will you?

On the contrary, you’ll experience raw FEAR.

Until the fear caused by this tragic and misleading teaching is HEALED, your journey with the Lord is, at best, severely compromised or, at worst, totally spoiled.

Here’s the thing:

The word fear used in the Old and New Testaments regarding our relationship with God has NOTHING WHATEVER TO DO WITH THE EMOTION OF FEAR!!

It means, instead, ‘reverence and respect for God’, or ‘the right relationship with God’.

You see this meaning in Paul the Apostle’s words:

Therefore since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

2 Corinthians 7:1 NIV

(My emphasis)

Paul did not say that we perfect our holiness out of FEAR of God, but out of REVERENCE for Him.

Time and time again in both the Old and New Testaments, the Lord demonstrates His LOVE for you and His desire to PROTECT you from anything that would harm you:

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10 NIV

(My emphasis)

 

…don’t despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Message

(My emphasis)

And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights!

Ephesians 3: 17 – 19 The Message

(My emphasis)

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem…How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings and you were not willing!

Matthew 23:37 English Standard Version

(My emphasis)

And again:

Two sparrows sell for a farthing, don’t they? Yet not a single sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge.

Matthew 10:29 J. B. Phillips New Testament

(My emphasis)

You don’t FEAR a person who LOVES you without conditions!

Imagine the terror and confusion that builds in a small child’s being when at one and the same time she is taught by authority figures that she must be frightened of God and yet also that ‘Jesus loves the little children’!

This fear becomes exponentially heightened if that same child is experiencing any kind of abuse from authority figures.

Experiencing Powerful Frustrations and the Results that Flow from This

As noted above, when a difficult personal relationship or an especially challenging life situation causes your false self to go into frustration mode, powerful negative emotions residing deep inside you are automatically unleashed.

In order to GET RELIEF from these exhausting emotions, your false self demands that you must CHANGE the aggravating situation that confronts you!

This becomes your one overriding goal!

And there can be worse to come:

These volcanic emotions might become so acutely unbearable for you that you compensate for your distress by submitting to further negative emotions —such as anger, rage, or some form of greed.

At this point, you might have little control over these impulsive temptations because your shadow/false self centres first and foremost its OWN wellbeing.

The needs of others don’t enter into the equation.

And the thing to remember is that these emotions are driven by HUGE ENERGY, the energy that resides in your false self!

Your human will alone is NOT capable of dismantling and healing these emotions

In fact, so great is this energy that your human will alone is NOT capable of dismantling and healing these emotions.

Your shadow/false self is far too deep-rooted and change-resistant for that to happen. 

Only the Lord himself can undertake this.

Only the Holy Spirit can help you effect the healing you need:

And we…are being transformed into the same image…For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3: 18 English Standard Version

(My emphasis)

That said, you, too, nevertheless have a CRITICAL role to play. Your role is to cooperate with the Holy Spirit as He dismantles and heals these negative emotions that emerge from your shadow/false self.

A most effective way to cooperate with the Holy Spirit is to spend a few minutes each day in the Lord’s presence, deliberately letting go of all thoughts and words.

This the way of prayer that Jesus himself taught (Matthew 6:6).

 “Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

 “The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need

Matthew 6:6 - 8 The Message 

In Part 3 of this article, we shall see why this way of prayer is such a powerful healing tool and one that’s guaranteed to heal your false self — gradually and very gently.

And you’ll also learn how to pray in this way.

A Possible Misconception You Might Have

Here’s an important fact to remember. See if it applies to you!

Since no one might have explained to you the ULTRA-STUBBORNESS of your false self, you might imagine that being born-again and baptized into God’s kingdom guarantees that your ‘old’ self (Ephesians 4:22), your false/shadow self will automatically become holy!

This is a dangerous misconception.

Nothing could be farther from the truth!

Your consent to the values of the gospel of Jesus Christ, no matter how sincere, does NOT by itself alone rescue you from this darker, profoundly entrenched, change-resistant side of the person you are.

And if you take PRIDE in your born-again experience and baptism, and the fact that you have been saved, you further compound the problem.

In fact, your pride is itself a symptom that your false self is still very much alive!

You see, your transformation is a lifelong goal that you and the Lord together will join hands and work towards.

And the Lord has already given you and me everything we need to do this.

Here’s the truth of the matter:

Your born-again event and baptism is only your first baby step towards your transformation into the Lord’s image.

You see, your transformation into God’s own image is not merely a desirable spiritual ‘add-on’ to your relationship and walk with the Lord, or to your prayer.

It’s in no way superficial.

In fact, this process results in a gradual but complete change of your consciousness!

It changes fundamentally the lens through which you see

• yourself
• God
• everyone else

You now begin to see every person and everything, yourself included, with the mind of Christ himself!

You see, the Lord has NOT called you to live your life in a spiritual bubble!

He has called you to live your Christian life in a world of real people just like you, each one with their own false self!

Have no illusions, even in monasteries of ‘holy’ people, monks take their false selves with them!

In the real world, you’ll regularly encounter people with equally strong false selves and equally powerful emotions.

And they’ll press your false self’s ‘buttons’ with an ease that will sicken you!

It’s at this point that the Holy Spirit will invite you to face up to the fact that your false/shadow self must be TRANSFORMED AND HEALED.

He will start to prompt you to look seriously at what’s happening now in your Christian journey.

And you’ll have to face up, too, to the unquestionable HARM it causes YOU yourself AND others!

The Lord, you see, is now inviting you to start abandoning your infantile ‘programs’ for happiness and look only to HIM instead!

Yes, the Gospel IS Really an Invitation to Grow Up!

We can understand the Gospels as an invitation to grow up —to LET GO of the defensive, compulsive childhood ways we adopted in an effort to ensure our happiness, security, affection/esteem, and control.

The gospel invites us adult followers of Jesus to look for our happiness in a different direction.

In fact, this is precisely what Jesus means when He invites you and me to ‘repent’.

 

To ‘repent’ means to change the direction in which you are looking for happiness, security, affection/esteem, and control.

The core meaning of repent is also to…

… ‘Know God’s LOVE for you’!

It’s THIS direction in which we, adult followers of Jesus, need to go.

Your goal as an adult is to know how to EXPERIENCE FIRSTHAND FOR YOURSELF the Lord’s LOVE FOR YOU—whenever you want or need to.

It is by KNOWING in every fibre of our being that we are LOVED deeply and without conditions that we are able to gradually heal and transform our false/shadow selves into God’s own image!

Think about this:

God entered into your world as a human infant because He wanted you to EXPERIENCE FIRSTHAND FOR YOURSELF —NOT just hear about it second-or third hand —HIS LOVE for YOU; not for somebody else, for YOU(John 3:16)!

For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that every one who believes in him shall not be lost, but should have eternal life.

John 3:16 J. B. Phillips New Testament

He knew that this would be the only way you could be rescued and healed from the sin that resides in your false selves.

 YOUR HEALING AND TRANSFOMATION is the reason why He sent YOU His Son Jesus.

THIS is why Jesus chose to

• become a human being like YOU
• suffer
• die a brutal death on the cross
• be resurrected
• ascend into heaven
• send YOU His Holy Spirit

The Good News

In closing, it’s important to remember the very good news…

…which is that the Lord DOES NOT EXPECT YOU to change direction in your own human strength!

Indeed, He knows that you CAN’T.

Your shadow/false self is far too deep-rooted and change-resistant for that to happen. 

Listen to Paul the Apostle:

I often find that I have the will to do good, but not the power. That is, I don’t accomplish the good I set out to do, and the evil I don’t really want to do I find I am always doing.

And then Paul explains the fundamental problem at issue:

Yet if I do things that I don’t really want to do then it is not, I repeat, “I” who do them, but the sin which has made its home within me.

Romans 7: 19 International Standard Version

(My emphasis)

Paul identifies the problem as being ‘the sin which has made its home within me’.

Two thousand years later, we might identify his problem as being the false self —in which our sin resides!

Paul, like you and me, might well have experienced the pull of his false self.

Later, in his letter to the Ephesians, Paul states that we must allow the Spirit to transform us:

Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

Ephesians 4: 23 New Living Translation

(My emphasis)

But then Paul continues:

Put on your new nature, created to be like God —truly righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4: 24 New Living Translation

(My emphasis)

‘Put on your new nature’:

In other words, Paul says that YOU, too, have a part to play in your healing.

He states that you cannot remain passive in your healing!

So you DO have a role. 

Your role is vital: it is to cooperate with the Lord in dismantling and healing your shadow/false self!

In the next and final part of this article, we’ll look at the ways you can cooperate with the Lord in HEALING your false/shadow self.

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Note:

A Personal Acknowledgement

41 years ago, the Lord rescued and healed me from a traumatic personal crisis with His exquisite gift of prayer of the heart or contemplative prayer. I have practiced this prayer for the same 41 years. And for over a quarter of a century I have taught it to Christian women from a wide variety of Christian denominations —with predictably life-transforming results.

It’s the way of prayer that Jesus himself taught in Matthew 6:6.

But I’d like to honour 2 additional sources that, beginning also 41 years ago, continue to this day to deepen profoundly my understanding and appreciation of the special gift of prayer of the heart/contemplative prayer.

These same 2 sources continue to deepen also my understanding of

• our false/shadow self 
• the developing and nurturing of our true self
• a way to better understand God, myself, and others and heal my negative compulsive, ‘automatic’ behaviours

As the Lord would have it, both sources announced their arrival into my life 41 years ago, completely unexpectedly, and at a time of acute personal spiritual crisis.

1. Thomas Keating

Contemplative Prayer

The first source was Thomas Keating. Keating was one of 5 Benedictine monks in the mid-late 1970’s who brought back to the world the far fuller riches and a more accurate, clearer understanding of Jesus’ teaching on prayer in Matthew 6:6 i. e. the way of contemplative prayer.

For the last 300 years of our Christianity, this teaching had been inadequately understood and poorly taught, with predictably regrettable results.

Keating himself used the term centering prayer to describe his teaching on Matthew 6:6. Centering prayer is also known as prayer of the heart and contemplative prayer.

41 years ago also, God ‘happened’ to give me the great privilege of having Thomas Keating’s personal representative for Contemplative Outreach in Canada as one of my 2 spiritual guides for 12 months during a one-year intensive retreat.

These 12 months also happened to coincide with the most transforming year of my spiritual life as a young woman of 35.

Our False/Shadow Self and Our True Self

Also 41 years ago, as I continued to reap the unparalleled benefits of praying with my heart every day over a period of about 15 months, and as I sat for 12 months of retreat at the feet of Keating’s Canadian rep, my spiritual guide, I realized that the Lord had begun the healing of a significant part of what I would later be able to identify as my false/shadow self.

The Lord used Keating to bless me both with His gift of contemplative prayer and with the gift of befriending and understanding at a profound level your and my false/shadow self.

2.   The Enneagram System of human personality and the co-author of its first book, Patrick O’Leary

The second source that continues to significantly reinforce my appreciation for God’s gift of prayer of the heart and deepen my understanding of our false/shadow self is the Enneagram system of human personality.

I first learned it also 41 years ago. This system provides a remarkable, straightforward way of helping us to better understand ourselves, to heal our false selves, to nurture our true selves, and to chart a path for our ongoing, healing and transformation into God’s own image.

Patrick O’Leary was a co-author of the very first book to be published on the Enneagram theory.

Also 41 years ago: Just months after O’Leary had published his book, God arranged things so that Patrick O’Leary, himself and in person (!), was my very first teacher of the Enneagram.

4 years later, in 1987, God made it clear to me that He wanted me to teach the Enneagram to Christian women from any Christian denomination who wanted or needed the Lord’s healing help for their various challenging life situations. I did this for 26 years, empowering these women to experience more fully an intimate and ongoing encounter with their Lord.

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Disclaimer

No content on this website is intended, or should ever be used, as a substitute for professional medical and/or other health advice from your physician and/or other qualified health professionals or clinicians. 

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Read Part 1 of this article here

Final Part of this article coming next month: The Path to Lasting Healing and Transformation: The Good News

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Want more help? Have a look at one or two of these articles:

How to Take Care of Yourself If You Are an Overworked Woman

The ‘Breath’ Prayer:: A Prayer to Use When You’re Overwhelmed or Confused

How to Anchor Your Inner Peace before You Go to Bed   

Is it Time to Change Your Understanding of 'Repentance’?

How to Honour Your Human Fragility: Don’t Build a Defensive Wall around It!

Does the Lord Want You to Experience Him in a Fresh Way?

The Two ‘You’s that Make Up the One ‘You’

Questions Christian Women Want to Know but Are Afraid to Ask

(This article explains how the Enneagram helps you come to terms with and heal your false self)

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Have you listened to my webinar? 

And to Sonia’s interview with me? 

Want the Lord to dismantle and heal your shadow/false self?

Then it’s time to give yourself God’s gift of His HEALING presence, love and rest. Begin this minute!  Get my FREE Guide … 

 

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